Haterade

I think I must have accidentally sipped on some of that nasty stuff because I am feeling the hate bug right now. It's infecting my system to the point where I am just not making any sense, but I think it's a VERY interesting state of being that might be VERY interesting to write about right now. So here it goes --

I don't know why, but all of the sudden, a good portion of my energy is being channeled into great annoyance for a certain beloved college group I belong to. Not directly at any specific person/persons in particular, but just the collective as a whole.

I think the word I am feeling is trapped. Suffocated by that body of 150 something persons -- whom face yours is so familiar to, whom your business is so accessible, whom your awesomeness is based off of well, how awesome you are.

WHAT MAKES SOMEONE AWESOME? What if I don't want to be awesome? What if I just want to be some jerk that annexes herself into her own little world and did her own thing? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEE??

Okay yeah, I'm a part of a caring group of people who care about people who need care. Let's sit in a nice little circle deal with our college, and transitional 20's age drama. Let's talk about how we feel about so and so and this and this. I have drama. But why should I give what comes out of a horse's butt about stuff that I feel at the moment doesn't even deserve acknowledgement compared to the important things in this world? The poor, the hungry, the needy. The nameless, the faceless, the shamed and the forgotten?

Okay, wow. I'm thinking pretty intense thoughts aren't I? I think it's really important that I am away from Davis from a bit and to process this funkiness in a new environment. This is good, I think. I think its' good to question and to rearrange the pieces of things I used to hold so dear and believe in... perhaps into a better collage of what represents me.

Haterade. Cynical cider. Disillusionment dew. Again, I am drunken on these things and will regain soberness in a day or so, so don't take anything I say here as truth or what I truly believe in. gahh I'm just sick from thinking about it right now.


I'm out,
Amber