Just kidding!! (she's planning to give us the classy and timeless black dress that can be worn over again. oh i love how practical she is :P )
Ding dong the bells are going to chime and I'm going to play a part other than table-sitter and food-eater for one of the most important events of Shuyin and Dave's lives! I am thrilled, excited and utterly joyful for them.
But wow, think about it. This is a wedding. My peer is getting married. Peer = my age. Oh crap, I'm 22 and people start or are currently thinking about this stuff at my age. When the flip did this happen? Me? At the age to get married and getting all serious and stuff? Oh I would rofl if the ground weren't so hard (hardwood floors, you know.)
People know me as the girl who ranked celibacy as #2 for her gifts test (next to #1 Hospitality and #3 Encouragement). I often make the words of Paul in the book of 1 Corinthians as my motto on the issue: "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
That reminds me of the song shorty fire burnin on the dancefloor, but that's besides the point. Yeah... I don't think I'm really burning with any passion. It's just that... I don't see myself sharing my life with someone else with such a high degree of intimacy. This is MY life, time and space and I am hard-pressed to give that up!! My romantic notions are still pretty juvenile; not unlike the portrayal of love as done by Korean dramas that consist only of the magic of getting to know the person, the cuteness of maybe holding hands and just the loveliness of being liked by someone. There is no getting serious (except those crazy ones where ppl give up their eyeballs for the other person, but that's besides the point.)
So what does that mean for me? Am I to live out the road of singleness as Paul had and to find utter satisfaction and fulfillment in that?
Hmm celibacy -- I've been told that's a pretty special gift. But I wish it came also with the gift of super wisdom.... or flying.. or a $50 giftcard to Trader Joe's. Either one.
4 comments:
hey, I was the one who got "wisdom" as one of her gifts. We could team up!
It's been interesting, as I've seen people decide that they didn't have any desire to marry end up marrying. Likewise, I've seen ppl with a high desire to get marry switch over to not wanting it anymore. But the gift of celibacy is...a little more beyond that of given circumstances or preference. It's something else.
We find satisfaction and fulfillment in God, and how you find that differs in terms of method. I don't find singleness satisfying; I don't believe it is, and it will never satisfy me. It's a practical state of being in order to pursue what I need to pursue in order to find fulfillment through God. I'd happily sacrifice any possibility of marriage if it means I will flourish artistically, especially after being uninspired for so many years.
amber ma!!! i cannot not smile when i read your posts.
and now that you've mentioned celibacy...i might join you! you know, being single and all
just wait until you're a couple years older and all your friends start getting married and you're like the last single one. not that i'm bitter or anything (in all seriousness), weddings just get old after your *20*th one. ok. the 20 is an exaggeration, but you get the point :)
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