Zits in life

I remember back in middle school, I was a dorky, awkward kid with pimples and questionable taste in wardrobe. At that time, my complexion was the bane of my existence -- I always had a zit somewhere, or a constant cluster in an area on my face that kinda never went away. I would apply zit creams and face masks, but only to come out with nil results. So I eventually just accepted it, I would never be zit free and clear of complexion troubles.

Luckily, I've grown out of that face. However, I feel like these days how ever more mature than I was back then, I'm experiencing a period of spiritual/emotional puberty. Basically, my challenges are like my zits.. just as that one really tough and stubborn one would go away, another would appear somewhere else. I apologize if I'm not myself lately. I feel like God's just been breaking me down over and over and I'm more often than not just really emotionally drained. I spend a lot of energy living in those dark moments and spend yet more energy trying to find the light again, and by the end of the day I'm too tired to deal with anything more. I think my expression and overall demeanor seem different and I find myself having less patience and willingness to do that happy and self-confident performance I used to do so well.

I am starting to characterize this season of my life as a time of personal humility and really looking into myself. I think last year was a time of my life where I grew by pouring out and investing in relationships. This year, I feel more of a pull to invest in, well, myself. To work on areas that God is showing me how weak and broken I am in and yet how much I am loved and cared for nonetheless. I am looking forward to this challenge and am reminded of Job 23:10:

But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

Amber Ma